Wednesday, October 5, 2011

OPINION: GOSSIP GIRL's Penn Badgley, Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick & even Leighton Meester Make This Viewer Squeal with Delight

Watching GOSSIP GIRL this week I came to the realization that everything I find interesting about the show so far this season connected back to Dan Humphrey. My interest in Dan has always fluctuated through the years, but never has it been as high as it is now. When did Lonely Boy become the center of my GOSSIP GIRL universe??Before I start gushing over all things Dan and Blair I'll give you a rundown about what our other characters are up to.

Actually it's just going to be Nate and Serena because Chuck is getting wrapped back up in the Blair drama now that he is back on the Upper East Side. If Chuck is wrapped up in the chemistry laden goodness that is Dan and Blair I may start to find him to be a much more interesting character. But first we have that warm glass of milk that you drink when you can't sleep at 3am, Nate Archibald. From those opening moments when Nate told Chuck he was having problems "performing" because he couldn't stop thinking about the woman from LA I knew we were in for a bumpy road. What was so special about this woman that is preventing you from living up to your potential in the bedroom? I mean, what else do you have other then your stunning good looks and voracious sexual appetite. The search is on for Diana Payne, Nate's mystery woman. He finds her right outside of his house. I'd be livid at how convenient this was if we didn't already know she had an agenda that somehow connects to Nate. Diana is the new owner of the NY Spectator and wants an interview with Nate's mother which she wisely refused. Nate and his sexual appetite got his mother to agree to the interview. The price? Diana had to sleep with Nate again. Really, Nate? Really? This is how you want to spend your time. If he wasn't so pretty to look at, I'd have to get much much angrier. My hope for this story? Nate accepts the job that Diana offers him and the two of them go on an all out war against his upper east side cronies. I bet Dan's book will look like a love letter if Nate were to eviscerate everyone he loves one by one. That's too much of a personality shift you say? My counter is that he would at least have a personality. He can claim that he was bedazzled by Elizabeth Hurley's insanely deep voice. He was powerless against its charms.

Serena is not as boring as Nate but she is bordering on being as stupid as him. I guess her brain preferred to stay on the Upper East side for the summer. The breakdown here is that Serena decides that she wants her and "Charlie" to be roommates. They find the perfect house. It's also the first house that they looked at, but whatever. Of course Serena forgot her checkbook but "Charlie" happned to have the one that she stole from Carol, the mother of the real Charlie and Serena's aunt, for emergencies. Guess what? The bank rejects the check. Duh. Of course Carol cancelled the checks when she noticed they were missing. Serena being the rocket scientist that she is deduces that Carol cut "Charlie" off. Serena takes it a step further and tells Charlie/Ivy that CeCe, their grandmother, has REINSTATED HER TRUST FUND without telling Carol. Two things: A.) Shouldn't SOMEONE call Carol? I mean you don't have to tell her where Charlie is but the girl is bi-polar or something like that. Despite her protests that she is fine and wants to make it on her own, it might be good to just touch base.  B.) Uhm...shouldn't the bank realize that Charlie's trust fund was being used left and right by Carol. Isn't Carol going to notice the money going missing? No one is really thinking any of this through. My hope is that Serena is only playing dumb and since luck of luck the job the producer offered Serena is actually in NYC not LA, Serena will take Charlie/Ivy down when they return. Maybe she can enlist Nate's help after he starts working at the NY Spectator only to have him turn on Serena and team up with Charlie/Ivy. I know I know...I need to stop hoping that these people will do smart and interesting things. I never learn. 

For most of the episode, Dan and Blair are on two different story tracks that are barreling towards each other like a runaway freight train. Dan's hero complex must be going into overdrive having to be strong for Blair and trying to save Chuck from himself. I'm getting ahead of myself. Dan is determined to stop his book from being published, but instead of tracking down Vanessa and asking her what publisher has it he decides he is going to have Chuck help him hack into Vanessa's banking records to see where the checks she is getting for the book are coming from. A side note here. Vanessa had best be sending Dan all that money. Who does this hoe think that she is? Dan finds Chuck paying people to beat him up. Meddling Dan Humphrey tattles on Chuck to Nate who has a doctor come in who determines that Chuck should be in excruciating pain but he feels nothing because he is over medicating. When hasn't Chuck Bass overmedicated? Dan thinks Chuck wants Blair to come to his rescue and Chuck drops the bomb that he and Blair slept together before she went to Monaco. I bet that one hurt poor Lonely Boy's heart. Dan scurries off to do other things and later finds Chuck paying the same guys from earlier to fight him. Where is Chuck going exactly to find these guys? Chuck wants to feel pain because not even seeing Blair and Louis together hurts him. Dan diagnoses Chuck with an aversion disorder. I didn't realize that Dan had a degree in psychology but good to know. Dan word vomits everything about Vanessa and the novel, and Chuck agrees to help him. They're totes going to become besties. 

Blair, meanwhile, is attempting to hid her pregnancy from Louis. Thankfully, he is heading to Monaco to celebrate the feast of the assumption, which comes requisite with a gigantic feast the thought of which makes Blair want to vomit because the baby and food aren't agreeing with each other at the moment. Louis's sister, Beatrice, decides they are going to leave for Monaco in the evening rather then the afternoon so Beatrice and Blair can bond. Beatrice is trying a little too hard to bond with Blair. She is really annoying actually, and after Blair spends so much time in the bathroom she decides that she is on drugs. When that theory doesn't pan out she changes her tune to bulimia. She is just looking to cause problems. Louis of course does not believe it and they cancel their trip to Monaco to celebrate the feast of the assumption in New York. They even have the priest that is going to marry Louis and Blair fly in from Monaco to preside over the celebration. It's at the feast of the assumption that Blair and Dan finally cross paths. Beatrice is trying to get Blair to eat, and she takes the most pathetic bite of some pastry. Louis thinks that is proof that she is eating. If I saw someone nibble on a crumb the way that she did I would ask what the hell their problem was. She looked like she was being forced to ingest nails. Luckily, Dan arrives to talk to her about Chuck and saves her from the food. Blair whisks Dan to the bathroom where she throws up. He goes to bulimic as well, but at least he cares. She confesses that she's pregnant and Beatrice overhears. Blair needs to take that bitch down. Blair runs out in a fit of desperation ready to confess when Beatrice interrupts and says that Blair had an excellent idea to invite the homeless into the feast. Clearly this bitch is up to something or she would have blown up Blair's spot there and then. In fact, she is up to something and in cahoots with the priest. She is keeping the secret because she wants to have the throne and needs to figure out a way to use it so Louis will have to step down. Then they start making out. I went to Catholic school for 12 years and know that priests are not allowed to stick their tongues down the throat of their parishioners. 

We wrap up with Blair going to talk to Dan about the pregnancy because he is the only one that knows about it other then Dorota. She only slept with Chuck once so she thinks that the baby has to be Louis's. Ask anyone who gets pregnant the first time they have sex, once is all it takes. Blair wants to keep the baby but worries what will happen to her if the baby is Chuck's and she loses everything. Then Dan utters the best line to ever be said on Gossip Girl..."You'll still have me." They gaze and then she nestles up close to him. When I tell you that I squealed with delight, I'm being hyperbolic. I sat on the couch and squealed and clapped my hands. I have high expectations for my shows, but when I like something I am fully on board. And Blair and Dan is something that I am all about.

Brian Hewson contributes primetime reviews for We Love Soaps. Along with Greg Turner, Brian is the creator, writer, and producer of the web soap, EMPIRE, which can be found at Brian loves soaps.


  1. Why are you all about Dan and Blair?

    Dan deserves someone who loves him back. Blair only has feelings of Friendship for him.

    Why should he was his time on a girl who does not love him?

  2. totally agree with you.