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The Tweeting Of Blame

"We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect."
- David Henry Thoreau

"If you point out the errors of your brother's ego you must be seeing through yours"
-A Course In Miracles

You may succeed in making another feel guilty about
something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it
is about you that is making you unhappy. "
-Wayne Dyer


There has been a profound amount of finger pointing and guilt seeking online this week. From Congressman Anthony Weiner to daytime soap star Crystal Chappell, I have seen online boards flooded with pages and pages devoted to seeking fault and perceived moral deficit in other people.  Twitter offers a unique and effective way to complain and blame, given that 140 characters hardly allows you to experience a rich discussion or get a sense of complexity or depth that fuel people actions.  

To review: people have been up in arms because New York Congressman Anthony Weiner sent out a series of PG-13 pictures of his body to various females, and lied about it publicly (though more details are unfolding as this is being written).  Emmy-winning Crystal Chappell has been taken to task because she opted not to defend a cast mate who was cruelly bullied by a media figure on Twitter.  This past week most people I know have been commenting/blogging/posting/tweeting and forming judgments about the choices of these public figures with inflated superiority. 

There is a special type of adrenaline reserved for moral indignation. As far as I can see, millions of people are getting high right now off their sense of righteousness. 

To be clear: you cannot find guilt in others that you do not perceive within yourself. This is just as true for bullies in schools as it is for judgmental religious leaders, as it is for soap fans on Twitter.  You can only condemn in others parts of yourself you don't like.  Twitter, and American culture at large, enable and encourage you to perceive guilt and fault in someone or something outside of yourself.  But finger wagging and blame won't change the feelings and desires you are uncomfortable with.

This is most evident in the example of gay bullying.  The only reason one would choose to focus on another person's sexual orientation is if they were uncomfortable with their own.  It is only closeted gay teens who violently seek out and pursue attention from other (perceived) gay teens in the form of bullying.  When someone has comfort within themselves about who they are, they have no reason to fear and condemn the actions and desires of others.

Similarly, Anthony Weiner's behaviors have set off a maelstrom of insecurities about the structure of the traditional heterosexual dyad.  His actions have challenged the foundation of "monogamy" and "cheating."  Instead of people looking at the issues he brings up, and their own interest and stimulation by his activities, they are resolving to handle this internal stress by blaming him and calling for his resignation.  If he does quit, it will do nothing to further resolve the fundamental problems in people's relationships, and will only enable people to blame others the next time a political scandal breaks (and there will be a next time!). 

Crystal Chappell's Twitter activities have also provoked thousands of thousands of comments and opinions regarding what she "should" have done when a colleague was verbally attacked.  Once again, people can narrowly focus on the "shoulds" of others, and gain adrenaline-fueled momentum on their search for finding fault and assigning guilt.  But doing so won't make their lives any happier.

Responsibility and integrity are essential ingredients in the recipe of mental health.  This starts when you decide to focus on the person in the mirror instead of public figures.  Ask yourself, "In what ways have I have behaved outside of my integrity? Have I ever been tempted to engage in a relationship outside of a monogamous dyad? Is Anthony Weiner really bad, or does it just piss me off that he almost got away with doing something I really wanted to do?" Or ask yourself, "In what ways have I not stood up for someone in my life? How have my actions contradicted my intentions? Is Crystal Chappell really wrong, or does she just remind me of times in my life when I have fallen short by not being there for someone else?"

Focusing on the errors of others is a great way to avoid responsibility within yourself, feel high off superiority, and gain community with others who are doing the same thing.  But it won't help you sleep at night, and it won't enable you to have more authentic feelings of pleasure, enjoyment, and serenity.  Instead of seeking fault in others, try noticing what uncomfortable feelings are aroused.  You may be surprised at what you find!

**NOTE: Since the writing of this piece, more details have been learned about Weiner's involvement with underage women.  I do not condone or agree with this behavior, but still maintain that it is serves individuals and couples to discuss their reactions and thoughts about his actions instead of perceiving him solely as the "problem."  

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Psychotherapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, ageism, bullying, caretaking fatigue, body image, grief and loss, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, as well as couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To have him speak with your group, or to schedule a counseling visit, call 347-227-7707, or email at Shouldless@gmail.com

41 comments:

  1. Interesting thoughts not sure if my dislike of how CC handled herself this week is a reflection on how I handle shortcomings in my life but more a sadness to see how she handled herself given the position she is in. I don't believe her "should have" is on speaking out when a specific actress was attacked but more in never letting such a hateful/low brow humor and banter go on for so long on twiiter and not seeing that this was going to happen it was only a matter of time. As a public figure she let it get to that level and now has to deal with the consequences of her words and actions.

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  2. Wonderful writeup thank you so much. I'm so tired of the moral superiority of others.

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  3. It's pretty difficult get a clear understanding of anything dramatic on Twitter. People have protected Tweets, its VERY EASY to alter something that someone tweeted in a re-tweet, and who has time to go through hundreds of Twitter pages during a "twitter war"?

    Chappell did the right thing. She didn't defend Branco - she defended someone's right to free speech - she would have done that no matter who it was - and she didn't defend the bullied party because she probably wasn't even truly aware of what was said.

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  4. Chappell defended freedom of speech even for those who started fake twitter accounts just to attack her.I don't agree with Broncos comments about her co-worker they were of a personal nature and uncalled for he deleted pretty fast once he realized Chappell was taking flack for his comments so she may have not even seen them. Have never seen any tweets that Chappell has written about co-workers that were bad. People have no idea what the relationship is between these two co-workers and as said co-worker follows Chappell would know who said what already if she even cared. Fans on both sides got out of hand .

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  5. "Should-less" is a great self-help philosophy, but it makes soap watching rather dull. Whether on TV or in the twitterverse. ;)

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  6. Thanks for poking your nose in where you have no idea what you're talking about. You want to psychoanalyze something? Psychoanalyze yourself for trying to make this ridiculous malestrom of tweets by twits try to fit into whatever framework you learned in med school.

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  7. I have a hard time believing she didn't know what was being said considering the weeks of twitter conversation between her and the reporter-a lot of it tasteless and out of hand mainly to get a rise or appeal to a very specific audience. I find the freedom of the press argument a cop out to not wanting to deal with the twitter mess she created.

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  8. LOL - please read the post before commenting! This isn't about what CC did, Weiner, or even me. This is challenging you, the reader, to look at your own guilt and blame that you so readily project onto others. I know that is a tall order for many, and goes against the conditioning of this society. But that is the point of this commentary, not further finger pointing and judging.

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  9. Colleen,

    CC clearly saw some of Nelson's tweets, because at one point she responded to something he tweeted. I also find it highly implausible -- and irresponsible -- that CC told people to send Nelson love just because she was attacked via Twitter for what he said. If I knew there was a controversy brewing that was causing me to be inundated with hate tweets, which CC's fans insist is what happened, I wouldn't endorse someone without checking what he said.

    Imagine if someone over the weekend had said "Tracy Morgan is a great guy. Send him some love." in the middle of the controversy about his anti-gay remarks. People would undoubtedly read that as supporting him and his comments. Saying later "well, I didn't know what he said" is a weak excuse.

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  10. That's exactly what happened with Chris Rock and Tracy Morgan. Rock supported, then later said he re-read the entire transcript and changed his mind and came out and said he did not support.

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  11. I think the mer nature of the general subject on a soap related website does warrant a discussion about what actually happened. I also find it of putting the assumption just because I have feelings on what occurred and they aren't 100 positive that I've got my own guilt on my own issues and am just projecting that. No its the opposite- I feel i'm speaking up when I disagree with how someone in the public eye acted and their lack of ability to actually take responsibility for words.

    Glad to see I may not be alone in my thoughts on it and my responses.

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  12. No, Colleen, you aren't alone. There are plenty of people who jump to conclusions, revel in self-righteousness, believe their own take on things is the whole truth, and repeat their musings in high dudgeon here, there and everywhere.

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  13. Sorry I don't see where having an opinion about what someone does or the way act at times make you judgemental. I have no problem with Weiner, Chappell or Branco as people. I do have problems with their actions in this situation. I don't see that as judging them. You can talk about a person's actions without judging the person. Yes there is a fine line there but it can be done. And that is what I saw from many people.

    And I agree with Crystal Chappell that yes everyone has the right to say whatever they want. But we also have to realize that we were each created with the ability to keep out mouths shut too. Often when we open our mouths we say stuff we shouldn't say. And yes we have that right but we also have the right to suffer the consequences of what we say as well. Just because you can say whatever you want too doesn't mean you always should.

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  14. I think Damon makes some great points. It's definitely easier to spend time calling out others (especially anonymously on the internet) than looking at ourselves. I would imagine any post on this subject would get 50 times more reads than a post we might make on someone's good deeds or something positive someone did in the world. People love drama.


    In terms of the actual incidents (and knowing that's not what this post was actually about), I have followed Weinergate and read through a lot of Tweetgate. I see it from a lot of different angles.


    Weinergate - I actually liked him before and thought he might make a good NYC mayor someday. The way he's handled this and the new details that have come out have convinced me he's probably done.


    Tweetgate - I don't think Chappell thought what was originally tweeted as hate speech and didn't think she was supporting "hate." But obviously a lot of other people did. With Twitter, you're giving an instant 140 reaction to things and it's not really a completed thought. Obviously anyone that visits certain websites or certain people's Twitter accounts regularly can figure out what they're all about, for better or worse. I wasn't surprised by the comments that started it all, and not totally surprised by the reactions. Sometimes I wish my faves weren't on Twitter or Facebook. I think I enjoyed them more when I knew less about them (not in all or even most cases, but in a few). We try to stay pretty neutral here and just report facts and let people make up their own minds. But it doesn't seem like that's the norm, even with hard news. Most everything is biased, and in the entertainment world a lot of celebs and "journalists" are pals or work together with an agenda. I have no clue what, if anything, happened behind the scenes in this case. People can assume and speculate but we probably will never know the full truth. But from all the commentary we have received and read, it certainly seems like the general consensus is what was posted originally was pretty typical of that person, and many fans wish Chappell had not responded at all to it. That's sort of where I am. It's a very complicated and interesting situation though. I can see why people would have so many diverse opinions of it based on their loyalty to the actress, soap couple, journalist or whatever else.


    I've seen "free speech" used a lot. That was created to keep the government from keeping us from speaking. The government has not been involved in this at all. Everyone, fans included, said whatever the heck they wanted so no one's free speech was infringed on. But it's also the right of the public to not find that speech acceptable.


    In general I like to focus on things, shows, people I enjoy and not dwell on what's wrong with everything. It just makes me happier in life. I will keep enjoying Chappell's performances, which have always been some of the best in daytime, and try to ignore the rest.

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  15. Thanks Roger for you thoughtful post. I usually like what Damon says but I think he made way too many overgeneralizations in this piece. Not his best work at all.

    As far as soap opera journalism. I love that you guys do try to report it without any bias. That is the soap journalism I grew up on with the soaps. It was reporting to be proud of. I don't have much respect for a lot of the reporters reporting the soaps these days. There is way too much bias and esp. with the magazines there is way too much favoritism and who pays the most money. I can remember when all shows got equal amounts of covers and some magazines had multiple or all soaps featured on a cover.

    I don't buy any of the magazines anymore and go to very few of the sites on the Internet these days. Yours being the only one I go to everyday. A few I will never visit again. Branco's is sadly one of them now. My opinion of him used to be okay but now I just don't have use brand of journalism at all.

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  16. Just saying ...People who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw rocks...this is for EVERYONE!!!!

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  17. "I also find it off putting the assumption just because I have feelings on what occurred and they aren't 100 positive that I've got my own guilt on my own issues and am just projecting that. No its the opposite- I feel i'm speaking up when I disagree with how someone in the public eye acted and their lack of ability to actually take responsibility for words." -- Colleen

    This is how I feel also. My reaction would be the same whether it was someone wanting to send love to Tracy Morgan in the midst of his gay rant without knowing the full story or Crystal with Nelson. These people are in the public eye and I think the public has a right to critique how things were handled.

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  18. There is undoubtedly a lot that has gone on behind the scenes at Days that led up to this unfortunate explosion. I have no first hand knowledge of what happened however I do have other kinds of evidence which in legal terms would not meet the beyond a reasonable doubt standard but would in my opinion meet the preponderance of evidence standard used in civil court. I believe the atmosphere on the Days set can be extremely toxic at times. This atmosphere comes from the top. I believe it is clear that people have been treated very poorly by TPTB and they set a bad example for everyone else down the line even down to the hateful fan wars that are more evident on this show than at most others. I do not believe Crystal Chappell deserves the negative judgments she has been getting. She has been treated very badly and that could temper anyone's decision about whether or not to defend someone from name calling. Nelson behaved very foolishly and he is suffering for it but his name calling did not cost anyone their livelihood except maybe himself.

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  19. "freedom of speech"
    Crystal or no Crystal I don't like Kristian Alfonso. I believe that it has been confirmed that she has an eating disorder and I don't want my teenage daughter watching her and thinking that she is a positive role model. And if she happens to be the cause for the other actress to have been fired ...that will make her a pathetic individual.

    "freedom of speech"

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  20. "Nelson behaved very foolishly and he is suffering for it but his name calling did not cost anyone their livelihood except maybe himself."

    I would not be so sure about that. Look at his pals that have been overpraised in his column and are thoughth to be his "setside sources" and their status with their daytime shows.

    Lesli Kay - unemployed
    Nadia Bjorlin - fired/leaving
    Crystal Chappell - fired
    Farah Fath - soon to be gone
    Brandon Beemer - backburnered and soon gone

    When shows think their stars are talking to him, they backburner or fire the actors. The actors aren't sharp enough to realize how toxic his is.

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  21. I know that Crystal's fans are biased toward her and don't feel she deserves what she is getting and that she was just acting out of anger over being fired. I'm sorry many actors have been fired from their jobs in recent months and they didn't go on Twitter and act like a 2 year old. And then the next day act as if they didn't know what was going on. And now to even call a group of fans VILE on Twitter too. And yes I saw that Tweet from her.

    Yes fans get very zealous and esp. Days fans. But a star should never get into that. She calls the BOPE fans vile but believe me I have been around these boards and the Carbo fans are not innocent in any of this either. There are vile and hateful comments posted on all boards by both fan bases. That is why I don't like fan bases. I get so tired of the comments made from both sides.

    What Nelson did was wrong and what Crystal did was wrong. I truly felt sorry for her when she got fired. Now I don't. I didn't have much opinion of her outside of her talent until this happened. Now I just can't even watch her and sad she is a good actress. I just feel she went way overboard on this. And sorry I just have not repect for anyone that attaches themself to Nelson Branco. And I am not a Bope fan as has been accused of by Nelson himself. I am a lapsed Days of Our Lives fan who is hoping some day the show will get watchable again so I can return. But yes Nelson if you read this I am one of the people who has written TV Guide Canada asking for you to be fired. I have complained about your vile reporting in the past but you just went way over the line with what you said about Kristian Alfonso and Melody Thomas Scott. You need to be fired. You can claim it is the Bope fans who are doing it and trying to elicit sympathy but it is not just Bope fans who want you gone. Soap fans in general do too.

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  22. Remember the days when there was no Internet and there were no fanbase wars and we could love all parts of a show even if we did have our favorites but still got that fulfillment with that balance and if an actor left for whatever reason, we watched what that meant for the character on the screen and good or bad we dealt with it and moved on, and the closest the actors got to fans or fans to actors was via whatever showed up in the soap mags at the time and, therefore, the soap opera stayed about what was on our screens and not suddenly about what happened behind them and so the actors we always respected could stay respected and not disappoint us with their ill-thought-out actions? Remember those days? I do. I miss them.

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  23. These people who tweeted hatred at Chappell, how did they know what she did or said outside of Twitter concerning this matter? The Internet is not a wise place to air grievances and take sides. Branco may be guilty of bad-judgement and some mean name-calling but does it sound like to much of a stretch to believe that Chappell's intent was to refrain from doing the same, in writing, in public on the Internet?

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  24. Sorry Damon but all due respect you totally missed the boat on this one. Call it irony all you want.

    I think so many of the journalists are losing their line of sight in this issue because so many of you love Crystal Chappell. And not just as an actress but because of some of her stances. Believe me I have respected her for those stances as well. But she did something bad here and sorry your column (meant to make me feel guilty for feeling that way) did not make me feel any different.

    She can say she was standing up for free speech or that she didn't know what all Nelson said or hide behind any excuse she wants. And her fans can make any excuse they want but the truth is what she did was wrong.

    Why don't you right a column about another thing I learned in my psychology classes when I was training to be a social worker -- owning your mistakes. Quit trying to blame others or trying to make others feel bad. Nelson and Crystal need to own what they did.

    And like one of the other anonymous posters I saw that post made by Crystal where she called one set of fans VILE. They weren't her words as she retweeted what someone else said but by retweeting it she owned it as her own and showed her support for it.

    Crystal needs to quit blaming others and you and other journalist need to stop supporting that and call for her to own it too. To me I have more respect for a person when they own what they do and not try to act as if they had good motives or didn't know what was going on. If you are a bitch say you are a bitch -- don't try to act innocent. I'll respect you a whole lot more.

    And Damon sorry but disappointed in this column and the irony comment. I never expected that from you from things I have read from you in the past.

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  25. I find it hilarious that KA's fans automatically assumed Nelson's tweets about an "anorexic hair model" were about her! There are lots of anorexic hair models..why did it have to be her?

    Btw, some of the comments to CC and about her WERE vile. Why shouldn't she say it?

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  26. I find it a bit off putting to see the "irony" comment Damon, since that seems to be your reaction to what you think we should be feeling about your article? In reality the subject was going to bring about this discussion, no matter how you tried to approach it.

    I agree with the comment made this morning about how some are unwilling to critize/commment because it is CC and she has really supported the indie/web genre.

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  27. Well Nelson Branco went farther than saying an anorexic hair model. Someone asked him who it was and he said her name. He left it up and then removed it. There is a photocap of it over at Daytime Royalty. It was captured for prosperity by some guy over there. So he went further than just call her in code -- he said her name. He went way too far.

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  28. Oh look....NELSON BRANCO is involved. That should tell everyone all they need to know about this mess.

    I think Chappell may have not been aware of all that Branco said. But in the big scheme of things I agree with her - everyone is free to speak their mind. Or in Branco's case the lack of one.

    And also: Christ, people, let's not put everyone on a pedestal. CC is a human being. Stars do things we don't always agree with or like. They drink and do drugs and fart and sleep with coworkers and talk shit about coworkers and gripe behind people's backs. In other words they are JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. They are not Jesus or Oprah. Enjoy their performances, chat them up on Twitter, but for fuck's sake let's not make them gods.

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  29. Lets say that Crystal and Kristian don't like each other.. why would Crystal defend Kristian and vice versa. I don't see Kristian defending Crystal from her fans.What I do see is the usual Kristian fans attacking Crystal...where is Kristian to defend Crystal?

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  30. Nelson Branco is basically a controversial, colorful, sarcastic tabloid soap opera critic and this is pretty much business as usual for him. A lot of people think he is an ass but others enjoy his boorish, edgy style of reporting or he would not have a job doing what he does. He does stand corrected in this instance by his editor who I am certain is aware that there is a fine line between criticizing someone and slandering someone.

    Few critics limit themselves to constructive criticism and actors (writers, producers) tend to develop a thick skin, that is, if they are going to survive in this business without having a nervous breakdown every other week over what people say about them.

    Crystal Chappell may well regret tweeting any response at all to anything Branco or the hate-tweeters said about this matter, but can anyone honestly say that they have never done/said (typed and posted) something that they immediately regretted or soon after realized that it led to things getting out of hand and caused a reaction that it was not intended to cause? I think not. And, Chappell is not known to be a vendictive, vile person so I find it very hard to believe that she intended to say anything to be cruel or hurtful to Kristian Alfonso.

    None of us knows all the facts about what happened behind the scenes on the set of Days of Our Lives. The controversy and stress caused by so many firings in such a short period of time is going to bring about reactions that are not all sunshine and roses. There is going to be friction.

    Twitter and Facebook are double-edged swords. Part of the problem therein may be that we cannot all agree (and we never will all agree) to what exactly defines "crossing the line" and where "Freedom of Speech" ends and "crossing the line" begins. But in the grand scheme of things, this incident does not matter all that much, I'm fairly certain that it is not lawsuit worthy and it will pass. There are so many more important things to do in life than to waste time wallowing in the negative and chastising others.

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  31. Damon.. Sometimes we just post on what we see, However I do agree that those who become obsessed about the mistakes of others, especially when those mistakes have NO EFFECT on them personally do have personal issues.. I think The Clinton Hate regarding his mistakes, and her success, or Michael Jackson haters who continue to insulkt him and even his children are a prime examples of this.
    Most have no clue about the facts and when shown them the actual truth they choose to ignore it all in favor of ugly rumours and make disgusting remarks..
    HOWEVER.. In this sad situation .. we saw what we saw.
    Its no Secret that Nelson B has an obsession with CC.. The Woman walks on water in his own mind. I personally think she is a FINE actress, and very talented, and innovative. I also think she was served atotal dish of CRAP at Days by the """WRITING TEAM""" and it was an injustice, unfair, and even unflattering as she was made to look chubby and frumpy when she is truly quite pretty.
    Her story was her Doom.. Not Kristian A, and certainly not Peter R.. She was written into a horrible corner and the only escape was a direction that Higley chose not to take, They should have put her with Daniel, the audience was begging for that.. but they wouldnt do it,(more)

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  32. (prt 2)
    Nobody is to blame other than the (former) HW, EP and ofcourse KC..
    If KA had the power that Branco eluded to no way would Nightime Hope ever happened, or certainly not the crap she was also dealt over months at a time. They were both hurt in those months.
    I dont know if they like or Hate eachother..
    And....I dont CARE....
    What I do know is Kristian A has been a complete CLASS ACT and IGNORED all of this. She has NEVER said a bad word about Crystal C.
    Also...
    If KA has/or had a weight issue NB has no business talking about things he knows nothing about...He is a complete D%%cheBag !
    Some of KA's most ardent fans have worried over the years about her weight, and that it could even be a health issue. But she seems healthy and happy now, and looks wonderful and seems at a great weight.
    Its pretty sad, VERY Sad.. that Peter Reckell had to jump in and pretty much scold and shut everyone up including CC. Not condoning any of it. """"Bravo Peter"""""
    And while CC may not have been overt in her remarks, she was subtle, and cold.. expressing her love, and "Support" of Branco preaching BS about "Free Speech" Instead of simpy saying, While she appreciates his support she enjoyed her Time at days and wishes the show and all the cast well, and leaves with no hard feelings cuz she understand the business even though she wihes things hppened differently" But No.. we get her subtle rude and insinuating remarks along with her plug reminding us all she has "A tell all "BOOK"
    Very classy ...NOT!!!!
    She reallyt let me and others who liked her down, especially when many of us were very upset about her termination.
    Its sad because I felt bad for her,I admired her, thought she got a raw deal .. and now. Well if anyone caused troubled based on her words I would say it was her... "Onward" now Sounds very different then it first did. and the other actors especially Judi Evans also shocked and hurt me.. its all so unprofessional especially consideringthese people will still be working together, But after this I have to wonder .. Maybe KC will think hey ... this crap opens up a few more slots for new faces, and some who have not had a great reception so far may be easy to recast.. Good Actors know when to keep their mouth shut, even when angry.. I recall Deidre H never spoke Ill of KC or the show.. Neither did Drake.. Tak about your Pro's.. and nobody was treated worse than them .. Even Bryan D didnt speak ill of the cast.. Just stupid !,
    Good riddence CC, and good luck going "Forward"
    And
    Good riddence NB, I hope you do get fired, you deserve it. because you basically only wrote about what YOU wanted, or found some way to interject it in EVERY report.. and that was mostly your Goddess Crystal Chappell. ~Yawn~

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  33. I guess I'm in the minority. I watch my soaps (and mourn the loss of GL and ATWT), don't read spoilers, enjoy certain columnists, but don't get tangled in the behind the scenes stuff. Life is complicated enough; I won't expend energy on an actor or a character they play. Working, raising kids, being active in my community and maintaining a marriage is enough.

    I am sorry that actors don't get along - it's tough to work with someone who causes you grief. It's tough enough just working, period -- but being in a competitive business or disliking someone or feeling they're treated better, etc. is a rough environnment.

    But I agree with Damon. When someone strikes me in a negative manner, it's more me than them. Their i.e. perfect figure is more about my lack of priority in my health than their attention to it.
    I can't change things I don't like - all I can do is change my reaction to them.

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  34. So CC was "subtle" and "cold".

    Um, SHE LOST HER FUCKING JOB. Is she supposed to far rainbows and sunshine and skip around joyfully about it?

    There aren't many soaps left. I know we all think actors exist to be fabulous, but they actually work as actors as a CAREER. For MONEY. Because a GIRL's GOTTA EAT.

    When I was fired, you bet I was pissed and complained and cried and blamed my anorexic coworker who wasn't as talented as me. I mean, for REAL. Life sucks. People get pissed. I think in that regard CC was being subtle about a loss she suffered.

    If you think in this economy that people won't be upset about losing a job, then you're beyond delusional. She's human. For fucks sake let her be.

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  35. I agree with some of this article. I know I at first felt bad about how CC handled things, but then I had to admit that there were times when I stood by a friend out of loyalty when maybe my friend was wrong. I also don't think I would react very well to strangers sending me and my friends hateful messages. I read the tweet that was sent to Molly Burnett telling her to shut up. That was really creepy and stalkerish. I don't know why someone would feel entitled to send a hateful message to a stranger about something that has nothing to do with the sender personally.

    I think if I lost my job and felt I was bing pushed to retire before I was ready, I would probably be angry and bitter. I think that if on top of that strangers who really know didn't know me started sending me vile angry messages attacking me originally for something that another person said, I would probably reach a breaking point and lose my temper too. So would a lot of people. So I just can't see some of the angry stuff being directed at CC. Heck, she's only human. I think it is kind of hypocritical to condemn her for doing something that many other people would probably have done under the same circumstances.

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  36. What Nelson done was wrong and what Crystal did was wrong plain and simple.There's no black and white here by retweeting and tweeting to show Nelson love she was supporting comments and I don't buy that I don't know what was tweeted before when CC herself has tweeted she sees all her tweets.Honestly don't know why anyone is surprised by Crystal's actions wasn't this same person who threw her Otaliafans under the bus a few months back in a interview.She doesn't have much of that fanbase left guess they got tired of waiting for the love letter to Otaliafans Venice was suppose to be.Truth is in the numbers she may have alot of followers but when has she broke any shit lately or won a poll.Truth is in the numbers.

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  37. I happen to be on twitter the day this occurred and I read all of Nelson's tweets. I must admit that the first anorexic/hair model that came to mind when I read his tweet was not Kristin A. It was another long time actress on the show.

    At first, I was taking all of Nelson tweets as humor. He has got a wicked sense of humor. It wasn't until other people took his comments another way and ran with it, in my opinion.

    I applaud Crystal for trying to calm the tweeters. I don't necessarily think that Crystal "had to" come to Kristin's defense. That might have made things a whole lot worse.

    I blame only one person for Crystal's contract not being renewed and that is Ken Corday. I only came back to Days because of Crystal and I will leave when she does.

    I'm actually glad that Crystal will be getting away from Days, Kenny Corday and his band of misfits. She can now do what she wants to, produce, write and act in what ever project she wants to without having to answer to someone else.

    As for Nelson, nine times out of ten I agree with his assessments of actors, writers, shows, producers and storylines; however, he is in the media publishing world and there is, in my opinion, a decorum that should be followed and he broke it that day.

    I hope in time, that Nelson will be able to learn from this and eventually return to twitter.

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  38. Damon, based on what I'm reading in the comments, I'm in the minority here and will probably be attacked...but I wanted to thank you for the article. I get the point you were making.

    Just my opinion but I think some are getting a bit "wrapped around the axle" concerning the specific examples you provided and not the application to their own lives. Your article actually made me think about some comments I made yesterday about a family member. As difficult as it is to admit to myself, I was definitely judging him for things I have thought but were afraid to say out loud. It was much easier to gang up on him and criticize what he was doing, rather than question myself!

    Regarding Weiner...I don't approve of the man's actions, but at some point last week, I found the whole hypocrisy of the situation laughable. Do people really think a guy tweeting/texting/emailing half naked (or naked) pics of himself is RARE these days?!?!?!? Or, is it possible that some are just not willing to admit they've done it themselves and regretted it later? Personally, I was more upset the man went to such great lengths to lie and try to cover it up. The photos in and of themselves didn't bother me. (Please don't misunderstand...I was very troubled after we found out he was doing this with underage women!)

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  39. Both Crystal and Kristian have received ugly tweets from fans.
    As long as I can remember, Kristian has always been a private person. Crystal is pretty open about things. The two are very different and should explain the great division of the fan bases. I think the only thing they have in common is Peter Reckell.

    I'm not sure that this about defending someone and supporting free speech.

    I do believe that Crystal was supporting free speech. We all support free speech; we all practice it. But after Crystal was aware of NB's remarks, she was asked if she was supporting and backing up his comments about KA. Her reply, "not everything". Not what I expected.
    She has never addressed what part of NB's comments she supported and I was hoping she would.

    She made comments days after referencing NB's insults.
    Sorry people but when there are screenshots of tweets that show the timeline of what was being said, its something to consider. These includes Crystal's comments after being made aware of NB's comments.

    I never expected Crystal do defend Kristian. What I expected was for her to state what she supported in his comments. I can't imagine Kristian asking fans to back off as she's decided to leave alone. Crystal jumped in and got deeply involved fighting hate tweet instead of quickly fixing it.

    To the anonymous blogger with the teenage daughter: If you cannot teach your child about acceptance of appearance, race, color, big or small.. Then may God help you.

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